Cohesion

So, how cohesive is it to use one blog to post entries about makeup and then take a 180 turn and post about the emotions of a day to day life, of a poetic piece expressing the comings and goings of the things passing by my sight each second of every day.  Does it change the person, the followers, the potential? Does it change anything at all? Does it even matter one way or another.

The change of emotions is faster than the change of the weather on an average day in North Dakota. Heater in the morning, A/C in the afternoon, back to heater in the evening. Happy in the morning, frustrated in the afternoon, exhausted and confused in the evening. Just to start it all over again the next day and wonder if you should have made the change yesterday. If there was even a change to be made and since you haven't made it yet if you should make it today. And if you don't today will tomorrow be another opportunity?

Is the constant rattle of the keys under my fingertips simply a comfort in the fact that I know I'm not "alone"? That the computer screen in front of me is keeping me company. A blazing flame in the middle of the night that keeps me hoping, wanting and craving. Keeps me from losing my mind to the numbness of the shadows.  Or is it simply something to hide my mind from the goings on to avoid facing myself. To avoid looking in the mirror and seeing the woman I don't care to see anymore. Is change really necessary, or simply a change of mind? A change of heart? Is the sound just a comfort to pretend things are they way they used to be when my life revolved around the computer and only the computer. Living half my life in the cyber world where no one had to see me and I didn't have to see them and it was only words and emotions didn't have to come into play if I didn't want them to.

I remember the nights of never sleeping because the computer would be my best friend until the early dawn peeked over the hills to say hello to another day I didn't want to face. I would have loved to have stayed cooped up in the house for weeks so long as the food didn't run out and I didn't have to leave the computer for too long. And now I can't get enough of getting out of the house. Doing...practically anything. In front of the computer I at least kept myself. There's was never anything that wasn't myself. But out there, out in the world of extreme noise or deadening silence, there's too much surroundings to feel like I'm really being truly and fully myself instead of putting on a pretty facade to make the people around me happy. In doing so I've forgotten if I'm only making them happy, or if it makes me happy as well. Or half and half. But what to do to make myself fully happy again has eluded me.  It feels as though every time I sit down to write I'm at a loss. Writing is what used to make me free. Uncage me and set me loose through the paper and ink where nothing could confine me because I knew it was only me and no one else and that never had to change.

And now the "real world" has battered down my door and forced me to look at myself and make a choice. No matter what the choice is it has to be made and it has to be done now. There's no more time. Time is a thing that slips through my fingers no matter how tightly held together they are.

An no one will ever know because that's how I like it and that's the way I want it to stay. I've spilled my emotions to the ground too many times to merely have them stomped on and left to rot to ever do so again. And so my passions remains deep inside, tucked away in a safe little box that only I have the key to. The light may grace them from time to time but we have learned. We know better now.

So the music may pound and drown out all conscious thoughts so I may lose myself to the nothingness, but the music will fade, because nothing lasts forever. We all know that.

Some Makeup Favorites

I figure since I'm pretty much unable to get any videos edited and posted at the moment, I can at least do a little blog about some of my favorite makeup products right now. These are just some of the products I have been using almost daily lately that I have come to really like! I know the pictures aren't "the best" but they will do for a blog post :P
On to the products!!

I have been on the major search lately for a good pallet of neutrals that would be good for travelling and just for everyday. I tend to bring my makeup to work with me lately to do my makeup there because I haven't been getting up early enough to do it at home. A bit lazy, yes, but hey, working two jobs and only getting 6-7 hours of sleep in between gets a bit rough sometimes.

This first palette is 8 shimmery brown tones by MAC. Now I have never purchased anything from MAC and doubt I ever will because I think its ridiculous to pay the prices they want for their makeup. Yes, it is better quality for the most part (or so I've heard) and if you are a makeup artist I fully support using MAC products, but I actually found this one on Ebay for about $6. It did come from China and I'm sure is some sort of knock-off, but I do really love this palette! The colors are beautiful and its so nice and easy to be able to just grab one palette and go. I also purchased one of these palettes that has 4  brown tones and 4 black tones.

This second palette of 3 is by Almay. Again, I have been on the hunt for neutral palettes! :P I LOVE the colors of this one! You can't really tell in the pictures, but the colors are all a really pretty iridescent-ish shade. They are perfect for a 3-tone smokey eye that isn't too overdone so it can be worn during the day. I just think these colors are gorgeous and has been my go to palette the past week or so. Purchased from ulta.com for around $5-$6.

This single eyeshadow is from Hot Topic. No, this hasn't been an everyday shadow, but I just loved the color and I like their packaging. I just think it's fun and something different! This color was just such a pretty iridescent blue/purple I had to get it! $2 from Hot Topic.

Every time I go to Wal-Mart I stand by the Hard Candy section and just look over it. I have wanted to get one of their baked blushes for so long. I haven't so far just because I'm a cheap ass and didn't want to spend $7 for a blush. But if you think about it, $7 for a blush with as much product as appears to be in this is not bad at all! I got #127 in Honeymoon. And I love the packaging on this as well. It's half of what attracted me to it I think, haha!

My next every day product is the ever popular Elf contouring blush & bronzer palette. This is such a great product! It is only $3 and the colors are great! I'm not 100% sure on how long lasting it is, but it's good enough for me! I use the bronzer every day to contour my cheeks and the blush (although not my every day blush) is a gorgeous pinky/peachy color! And! It has lasted me quite a long time!!! The mirror that was in the top of the compact did fall out of mine, but I never really used it anyway so that wasn't too big of a deal to me. and for $3...you can't go wrong!

Ever since I first started wearing cream/gel eyeliner, this has been my all time favorite!!! The little brush in the picture is the brush that comes with it and it is seriously the PERFECT brush for cream/gel eyeliner! It's a nice small brush that makes it easy to get close to the lash line and make a winged liner and I can even get my waterline with this brush! This is the Maybelline Eye Studio Lasting Drama gel eyeliner in Blackest Black. I did accidentally leave mine out in my vehicle this summer when I bought it so the product did sort of melt towards the side and top of the container, but the product still works great and I am not even half through the product and it's lasted me at least 6 months now. It is $10 but you get your money's worth!

If you're looking for a cheap and easy eyeliner, this is the one to go with!!! I was looking for new eyeliners to try using that were quick and easy and didn't cost a fortune. I found this one on ulta.com. It's the black mania gloss eye pencil by Essence. It was about $2 and it is great!!!! I have never used a pencil eyeliner that was this soft before! Usually the pencil eyeliners just pull at my eyelids and don't actually leave any product on them, but this one just glides on! I love it! Especially for the price! I am afraid that when it comes time to sharpen it that it will just fall apart since it is so soft, but I believe putting it in the freezer for a few minutes and then sharpening it will solve that problem. Again...only about $2...you can't go wrong!!

As far as eye primers go, everyone raves about the Urban Decay primer potion. Now I'm sure it's amazing...but I am not just about to spend $18 on a little container of eye primer....so I heard that Victoria's Secret made an eye primer and one of my friends said it really worked for her. Low and behold, it does!!! This sucker only cost me about $8 and has lasted me at least a year!!! It hasn't gotten all gross or anything either! Definitely will buy this again!

Another Victoria's Secret find that I was surprised by was their Glossy Shinesticks. These are sort of a mix between a lipstick, chapstick and gloss. They are for the most part like a tinted lip balm. They don't really offer any moisterization for your lips...but they don't dry them out either...if that's makes sense...And the colors are really good for what a tinted lip balm would be! They do have some glitter like stuff in them but it's not over done where your lips are sparkling from miles away. It just adds a nice shimmer to them. They also smell nice instead of smelling like gross makeup! The two shades I got were Lemon Twist (the top one, it's name comes from the fact that it smells like lemons...not the color) and Colada Love (the bottom on, again named for it's smell). I did buy these during one of their semi-annual sales when some of their makeup products were 75% off so I got these for only a few dollars...I'm not sure if I would purchase them for the original price because I can't remember what it was...but I do really like these! The only one downfall...when you first purchase them the product comes up over the lip of the tube, so when you take the top off you have to be careful that you don't take half the product off with it! :P

And last but not least, my favorite mascara lately has been the Maybelline One by One Volume Express mascara in Very Black. It rarely clumps and covers my lashes evenly. All in all a very good mascara!! Already a re-buy! Usually around $7 from CVS or Wal-Mart but I found it on ulta.com on sale for $5 recently.

Well I hope this blog wasn't overly boring. Yes it was all about makeup, but hey, it's part of my life! :P Hopefully I can record the makeup I'm doing this weekend for the Zombie Pub Crawl and make that into a video. If not I will definitely be taking tons upon tons of pictures and posting them for sure!!! Halloween is such an exciting time!! I can't wait to try out my makeup looks for my costumes this year!!! Woo hoo!!!!

Hope all is well with everyone!

Much love!

Fair

Still No Computer

I feel so lost without my computer at home. I never realized how much I used it until I didn't have it any more. I am able to do a few things here and there from my computer at work, but if I have actual work to do there's no time for me to work on anything else of my own.

I haven't been able to edit the photos I need to edit or any videos at all. It's so frustrating!

I have however delved back into reading a lot more again, which is nice. I was in the middle of a series about two years ago and just tried to get into the next book but had forgotten almost everything from the previous books so I have gone back and restarted from the beginning...grr...

I have also decided that within the next...2-3 years or so, I would like to write a book. A fiction/science fiction book I believe. I have the kind of general idea in my head, but we will have to see how that actual comes out. Writing a book is a huge challenge and getting published will be even more difficult. Just because a story seems good in my head, does not mean anyone else will find it interesting.

On other notes. I am SOOOO excited for Halloween!!! The costumes I am for sure on are Medusa and Jekyll & Hyde (one side of me Jekyll, the other Hyde) and I'm really hoping to try out my makeup and film it and possibly get the videos edited to put on YouTube...we will see if that happens depending on if I get my computer fixed or if I get down time at work at all....both of which are extremely up in the air at the moment. I did get time to decorate my house for Halloween last Sunday so I'm super excited about that and hoping to possibly get some more decorations tonight! :P You cannot over decorate for Halloween!!! No clue yet what the actual plans for Halloween are, just know that this year my costumes are going to be epic!! Oh yes! Epic!

I have been absolutely craving and desiring to just sit in a coffee shop all day and work on writing and reading and such, but alas, my 8-5 during the week job does not really allow that to be fully possible. If places would stay open past 5 it wouldn't be bad at all, but most coffee/tea shops close by 5 ish. Argh! I'm also hoping that with winter making it's unfortunately fast approach I will get back into the knitting spirit and starting working on some things.

Hope all is well with everything in everyone's little worlds!!!
Much love,
Fair