Crazy Week Ahead!!

This weekend will be the performances of the Nutcracker, which I am in. We are doing a Friday evening performance, a Saturday matinee and evening performance, and then a Sunday matinee. As much as I have so far enjoyed doing the Nutcracker again and I enjoy the adults and children I am working with, I will be glad when it is done. I am SO incredibly far behind on everything else right now and have no time to accomplish anything because of rehearsal every night for the Nutcracker, but it is definitely proving to be one of the absolute best performances of the Nutcracker I have yet to see!

Aside from that, the Office Manager at the office of my full time job (Yes...that would be my mom ;) ) is leaving tomorrow to go to Denver to see her brother and nephews for the weekend so things at work are going to be crazy busy as well since she won't be in again until Tuesday afternoon. Ahh!! Crazy week!!!

As always, I'm taking things one step at a time and just working through everything day by day, hour by hour. So far, I haven't lost it, haha!!!

Friday I will know about the auditions for "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". I am most definitely not expecting a part because of all the other absolutely amazing actresses that auditioned, and I'm ok with that. If I do not get a part then I'm simply going to move on to the next one! I would really love to audition for the next show so it's not like if I don't get a part in this one I can't go for the next show! :)

Aside from that, I've gotten some positive feedback from the first poem I put up so I'll probably try to put up a couple more sometime soon and see how those go as well :)

I am going to be doing some more pictures this weekend hopefully for a friend so I'm looking forward to that and I am also looking forward to a DIY gift idea I found from another blogger/YouTuber and I CAN'T WAIT to try it and give it to some of my friends as small Xmas gifts!!! :D

Thank you to everyone so far who has supported me in my poetry and such! I appreciate every bit!!

Hope all is well with everyone!!!

XOXO

Fair

Poem #1

Here it is....the first poem I'm putting out there for careful determination and examination.
I'm still unsure if this is the right one to put out there first, but I suppose I have to start somewhere, right?
I am looking for honest feedback. I know the poem is probably not going to come across the same as it does in my mind, but I suppose that's the thing about poetry. It's put down on paper and read by others to create a sense of finding one's self in another's words.
It is one of my shorter poems, but I don't think the length of a poem is what really matters, its the message it sends and how it is received.
So give me honest feedback and let me know if you want to read more.



Shadows on My Wall
When late nights bleed to early mornings,
Infinity leaves its barren eternity
To sneak out into the ebony hallway
And play with the lost souls.
It is in this state of forgetfulness that
The sun shines as
The rain washes away reality.




XOXO
Fair

Auditions Night

So...I traveled through the freshly snowed streets this evening to Dakota Stage to audition for "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". I think I did alright. There were a few that I definitely thought were way better than me and I don't really think I have a whole lot of chance for the part I want (Nurse Ratched) but I think my audition was good and I at least maybe sort of have a fighting chance for it. :P Either way, I would even take one of the smaller parts just to get back into theater again! I miss it a lot! And if I don't get a part in this play (especially considering there are only 4 female parts and 7 girls auditioned already tonight let alone however many show up tomorrow night) then I will definitely be auditioning for the next show they do!
I guess we will see!!
This week is going to be crazy busy!!! I have Nutcracker rehearsals all week since we perform this weekend so I'm going to be up to my ears in ballet and silent acting, haha! I'm glad they called and asked me to do it, but I will definitely be glad when it is done. I do get to dress up in a big dress with a crazy hoop skirt, so its definitely fun! :)
After the Nutcracker is over, if I don't get a part in the play, I will be focusing on videos and scrapbooking I think. Nothing too crazy, but I did start to try to film a few videos so hopefully this week if nothing else I can take my laptop with me and edit them while I'm waiting at rehearsals and then I can get one or maybe two videos up this week! They were nothing special and I do want to film a new, different hairstyle to post, so I'm going to try to get that filmed this week sometime as well. And one video I really want to do is me getting ready for the Nutcracker, hair and makeup and at least a couple pictures if not a short video in my dress! Just for fun! :)
I'm also probably going to post my first poem tomorrow, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed to get some good feedback and to know what people honestly think of it. Either way I'm excited to see what the reaction is and such! :)
Well, I hope everyone's day/week/month/year is going fantastically!
Much love to everyone!
XOXO
Fair

Computer in the house!!!

FINALLY I have my personal laptop back at home!!! A big shout out to my friend Ben for fixing it for me!!!! I am so glad I have such amazing friends!!! It took forever because my hard drive is what got affected so he had to let it run for pretty much a month straight at least to try to recover some of my pictures. I got lucky enough that I had already saved most of them to an external hard drive so I didn't really lose much, but listen to me, everyone, when I say: Back up your info!!!! I would have been devastated if I had lost all my pictures!!! From now on, all my pictures not only go onto my computer, but onto my external hard drive as well right away!

So, now that I have my personal computer back, I REALLY want to do like 10 videos right away! I enjoyed doing them and miss it and hope to get caught up! Also, even though winter has officially hit us here in good ol' ND, I really want to do another heel shoot soon. I'm hoping to figure out a place inside to do another shoot. I would love to do one outside in the snow, but I want it to be a really good snow fall before I do it. We will see if that even really happens or not, but for now if anyone has any fun ideas for a heel shoot at an indoor location in which I would be allowed to do some photos please let me know!! I still would love to find a library that would allow me to do a photo shoot in it, but we will see if I can find one that will.
There is a building in Mandan that used to be the library that has a spiral staircase in it that I would LOVE to use to do some pictures on, heel and model, but I have no clue what the building is now and if the staircase is even still in it or not. I'm hoping to find out soon!!!

Also, I did find that a few people seemed interested in giving me some feedback on my poetry so in the next day or so I'm going to pick out on of my poems and post it for feedback and such. Fingers crossed! :D If it goes well I will continue posting poems, if not, oh well. We will see! :)

I hope everyone's holiday season is going well so far!! Drew and I have our Christmas tree and a few other decorations up and I already have almost all of my Christmas shopping done!!! Just a few more odds and ends to finish up and I will be good to go!! I'm so excited for Christmas this year! It is the first year that Drew and I are having a real Christmas together in which he is here instead of working out in the oil fields and we will get to do all the family stuff together and such, so I'm excited for that! And I'm actually ok with the snow for right now. Personally, Christmas just wouldn't be the same without snow :) And it's winter in ND....if we didn't at least like the snow a little bit, then we shouldn't live here!!!

So good luck to everyone with getting their Christmas shopping done early and without too much of a hassle!!

Much love to everyone!!
XOXO
Fair

In need of feedback...

So I know reading the lives of the people around us through blogs and such isn't always the priority in people's lives, but there is something new I'm wanting to use this blog for. For the longest time I have wanted to go back through my poetry and refine some of them and see if I could possibly get a book of them published. What I am looking for is feedback from people that will be honest with me.

So...If I were to put my poems up on this blog, say one a week or so, is there anyone that would be willing to give me some feedback and let me know what you think about the whole idea?

It's something I'm still throwing around because not many people have read my poetry and it makes me nervous to put something so personal and "naked" out there for basically anyone to read. It's something that if I decide to keep a bit closer to home I may also just post on Facebook so only the people I have on there can read it. Like I said...it makes me nervous. My poetry is something I have always fallen back on to let emotions and thoughts out and to express myself without judgement because I never imagined anyone would ever read it. But its a piece of me in an art form that I think some people might enjoy...

I used to really enjoy going to open mic nights, even if I never got up and did anything, but just to sit and listen and watch different art forms and such....I really miss it and wish there was still something like that around here...I would love to start one up but I'm not sure how to go about doing it so...maybe this will be something good for me to do :)

The only other thing that would worry me about it, is I don't want anyone trying to steal my work. No, I don't really think any of it is going to be good enough to make someone want to claim it as their own...but I also don't know if I really want to risk that. These are little pieces of me and I want them to stay that way, not have someone else use them as if they are their own...which makes it difficult that I don't technically have any of them copyrighted or published or what have you.

If anyone has any feedback for me I would love to hear what you think! Makes me nervous just thinking about it!! As I said....it's something I think I would really like to do....but something that half of me wonders if it's the correct thing to do or not...

Until next time, I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!
XOXO
Fair

It's the Holiday Season!!!

I absolutely love the holidays!!!!! Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I can't wait for the delicious meal, family time and poker!!! Hahaha, yes, we like to play a game of poker after our Thanksgiving dinner so long as everyone hasn't passed out on the couches, chairs and floor from too much turkey! Haha!

It makes me sad that Thanksgiving tends to get looked over because people pass it by for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, Christmas is one of my absolute favorite holidays....but it has it's time and place, just as Thanksgiving should. There are far too many people and stores with their Christmas decorations out on display. I understand that around good ol' ND the weather gets pretty crappy around this time of year so some people want to get their outside decorations hung up before it is below 0 outside....but at least wait until the Friday after Thanksgiving!!! Get up at 2 A.M. do your crazy Black Friday shopping, and come back and have a family day of decorating and hot cocoa!!!!! That is my plan anyway! It makes me sad for Thanksgiving that not enough people appreciate it for what it is. I'm hoping to make an attempt at making a pumpkin pie from scratch again this year. I did about 3 years ago and it worked...but not as well as I had hoped, so this year will be the next test!!!

I am of course overly excited for Christmas this year as well!! This afternoon I'm going to be heading out to get about 75% of my Christmas shopping accomplished!!! I'm glad that for once I will have my shopping done early instead of doing it all a week before Christmas. The Christmas tree just looks so much prettier and more fun with all the presents underneath it. :)

I hope everyone has an amazing and safe Thanksgiving!!! I know the roads up here have already gotten pretty bad and I've seen pictures of some pretty bad accidents so drive safe people!!!!! If you are in ND and have never driven through the ice and snow before....SLOW DOWN!!!!!! Ice + snow + roads = bad driving conditions!!! You will slide all over the road and get into an accident if you don't take precautions!!! So be careful!!!!

Hope everyone is well and loved!!!!
XOXO
Fair

Cohesion

So, how cohesive is it to use one blog to post entries about makeup and then take a 180 turn and post about the emotions of a day to day life, of a poetic piece expressing the comings and goings of the things passing by my sight each second of every day.  Does it change the person, the followers, the potential? Does it change anything at all? Does it even matter one way or another.

The change of emotions is faster than the change of the weather on an average day in North Dakota. Heater in the morning, A/C in the afternoon, back to heater in the evening. Happy in the morning, frustrated in the afternoon, exhausted and confused in the evening. Just to start it all over again the next day and wonder if you should have made the change yesterday. If there was even a change to be made and since you haven't made it yet if you should make it today. And if you don't today will tomorrow be another opportunity?

Is the constant rattle of the keys under my fingertips simply a comfort in the fact that I know I'm not "alone"? That the computer screen in front of me is keeping me company. A blazing flame in the middle of the night that keeps me hoping, wanting and craving. Keeps me from losing my mind to the numbness of the shadows.  Or is it simply something to hide my mind from the goings on to avoid facing myself. To avoid looking in the mirror and seeing the woman I don't care to see anymore. Is change really necessary, or simply a change of mind? A change of heart? Is the sound just a comfort to pretend things are they way they used to be when my life revolved around the computer and only the computer. Living half my life in the cyber world where no one had to see me and I didn't have to see them and it was only words and emotions didn't have to come into play if I didn't want them to.

I remember the nights of never sleeping because the computer would be my best friend until the early dawn peeked over the hills to say hello to another day I didn't want to face. I would have loved to have stayed cooped up in the house for weeks so long as the food didn't run out and I didn't have to leave the computer for too long. And now I can't get enough of getting out of the house. Doing...practically anything. In front of the computer I at least kept myself. There's was never anything that wasn't myself. But out there, out in the world of extreme noise or deadening silence, there's too much surroundings to feel like I'm really being truly and fully myself instead of putting on a pretty facade to make the people around me happy. In doing so I've forgotten if I'm only making them happy, or if it makes me happy as well. Or half and half. But what to do to make myself fully happy again has eluded me.  It feels as though every time I sit down to write I'm at a loss. Writing is what used to make me free. Uncage me and set me loose through the paper and ink where nothing could confine me because I knew it was only me and no one else and that never had to change.

And now the "real world" has battered down my door and forced me to look at myself and make a choice. No matter what the choice is it has to be made and it has to be done now. There's no more time. Time is a thing that slips through my fingers no matter how tightly held together they are.

An no one will ever know because that's how I like it and that's the way I want it to stay. I've spilled my emotions to the ground too many times to merely have them stomped on and left to rot to ever do so again. And so my passions remains deep inside, tucked away in a safe little box that only I have the key to. The light may grace them from time to time but we have learned. We know better now.

So the music may pound and drown out all conscious thoughts so I may lose myself to the nothingness, but the music will fade, because nothing lasts forever. We all know that.