Computer in the house!!!

FINALLY I have my personal laptop back at home!!! A big shout out to my friend Ben for fixing it for me!!!! I am so glad I have such amazing friends!!! It took forever because my hard drive is what got affected so he had to let it run for pretty much a month straight at least to try to recover some of my pictures. I got lucky enough that I had already saved most of them to an external hard drive so I didn't really lose much, but listen to me, everyone, when I say: Back up your info!!!! I would have been devastated if I had lost all my pictures!!! From now on, all my pictures not only go onto my computer, but onto my external hard drive as well right away!

So, now that I have my personal computer back, I REALLY want to do like 10 videos right away! I enjoyed doing them and miss it and hope to get caught up! Also, even though winter has officially hit us here in good ol' ND, I really want to do another heel shoot soon. I'm hoping to figure out a place inside to do another shoot. I would love to do one outside in the snow, but I want it to be a really good snow fall before I do it. We will see if that even really happens or not, but for now if anyone has any fun ideas for a heel shoot at an indoor location in which I would be allowed to do some photos please let me know!! I still would love to find a library that would allow me to do a photo shoot in it, but we will see if I can find one that will.
There is a building in Mandan that used to be the library that has a spiral staircase in it that I would LOVE to use to do some pictures on, heel and model, but I have no clue what the building is now and if the staircase is even still in it or not. I'm hoping to find out soon!!!

Also, I did find that a few people seemed interested in giving me some feedback on my poetry so in the next day or so I'm going to pick out on of my poems and post it for feedback and such. Fingers crossed! :D If it goes well I will continue posting poems, if not, oh well. We will see! :)

I hope everyone's holiday season is going well so far!! Drew and I have our Christmas tree and a few other decorations up and I already have almost all of my Christmas shopping done!!! Just a few more odds and ends to finish up and I will be good to go!! I'm so excited for Christmas this year! It is the first year that Drew and I are having a real Christmas together in which he is here instead of working out in the oil fields and we will get to do all the family stuff together and such, so I'm excited for that! And I'm actually ok with the snow for right now. Personally, Christmas just wouldn't be the same without snow :) And it's winter in ND....if we didn't at least like the snow a little bit, then we shouldn't live here!!!

So good luck to everyone with getting their Christmas shopping done early and without too much of a hassle!!

Much love to everyone!!
XOXO
Fair

In need of feedback...

So I know reading the lives of the people around us through blogs and such isn't always the priority in people's lives, but there is something new I'm wanting to use this blog for. For the longest time I have wanted to go back through my poetry and refine some of them and see if I could possibly get a book of them published. What I am looking for is feedback from people that will be honest with me.

So...If I were to put my poems up on this blog, say one a week or so, is there anyone that would be willing to give me some feedback and let me know what you think about the whole idea?

It's something I'm still throwing around because not many people have read my poetry and it makes me nervous to put something so personal and "naked" out there for basically anyone to read. It's something that if I decide to keep a bit closer to home I may also just post on Facebook so only the people I have on there can read it. Like I said...it makes me nervous. My poetry is something I have always fallen back on to let emotions and thoughts out and to express myself without judgement because I never imagined anyone would ever read it. But its a piece of me in an art form that I think some people might enjoy...

I used to really enjoy going to open mic nights, even if I never got up and did anything, but just to sit and listen and watch different art forms and such....I really miss it and wish there was still something like that around here...I would love to start one up but I'm not sure how to go about doing it so...maybe this will be something good for me to do :)

The only other thing that would worry me about it, is I don't want anyone trying to steal my work. No, I don't really think any of it is going to be good enough to make someone want to claim it as their own...but I also don't know if I really want to risk that. These are little pieces of me and I want them to stay that way, not have someone else use them as if they are their own...which makes it difficult that I don't technically have any of them copyrighted or published or what have you.

If anyone has any feedback for me I would love to hear what you think! Makes me nervous just thinking about it!! As I said....it's something I think I would really like to do....but something that half of me wonders if it's the correct thing to do or not...

Until next time, I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!
XOXO
Fair

It's the Holiday Season!!!

I absolutely love the holidays!!!!! Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I can't wait for the delicious meal, family time and poker!!! Hahaha, yes, we like to play a game of poker after our Thanksgiving dinner so long as everyone hasn't passed out on the couches, chairs and floor from too much turkey! Haha!

It makes me sad that Thanksgiving tends to get looked over because people pass it by for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, Christmas is one of my absolute favorite holidays....but it has it's time and place, just as Thanksgiving should. There are far too many people and stores with their Christmas decorations out on display. I understand that around good ol' ND the weather gets pretty crappy around this time of year so some people want to get their outside decorations hung up before it is below 0 outside....but at least wait until the Friday after Thanksgiving!!! Get up at 2 A.M. do your crazy Black Friday shopping, and come back and have a family day of decorating and hot cocoa!!!!! That is my plan anyway! It makes me sad for Thanksgiving that not enough people appreciate it for what it is. I'm hoping to make an attempt at making a pumpkin pie from scratch again this year. I did about 3 years ago and it worked...but not as well as I had hoped, so this year will be the next test!!!

I am of course overly excited for Christmas this year as well!! This afternoon I'm going to be heading out to get about 75% of my Christmas shopping accomplished!!! I'm glad that for once I will have my shopping done early instead of doing it all a week before Christmas. The Christmas tree just looks so much prettier and more fun with all the presents underneath it. :)

I hope everyone has an amazing and safe Thanksgiving!!! I know the roads up here have already gotten pretty bad and I've seen pictures of some pretty bad accidents so drive safe people!!!!! If you are in ND and have never driven through the ice and snow before....SLOW DOWN!!!!!! Ice + snow + roads = bad driving conditions!!! You will slide all over the road and get into an accident if you don't take precautions!!! So be careful!!!!

Hope everyone is well and loved!!!!
XOXO
Fair

Cohesion

So, how cohesive is it to use one blog to post entries about makeup and then take a 180 turn and post about the emotions of a day to day life, of a poetic piece expressing the comings and goings of the things passing by my sight each second of every day.  Does it change the person, the followers, the potential? Does it change anything at all? Does it even matter one way or another.

The change of emotions is faster than the change of the weather on an average day in North Dakota. Heater in the morning, A/C in the afternoon, back to heater in the evening. Happy in the morning, frustrated in the afternoon, exhausted and confused in the evening. Just to start it all over again the next day and wonder if you should have made the change yesterday. If there was even a change to be made and since you haven't made it yet if you should make it today. And if you don't today will tomorrow be another opportunity?

Is the constant rattle of the keys under my fingertips simply a comfort in the fact that I know I'm not "alone"? That the computer screen in front of me is keeping me company. A blazing flame in the middle of the night that keeps me hoping, wanting and craving. Keeps me from losing my mind to the numbness of the shadows.  Or is it simply something to hide my mind from the goings on to avoid facing myself. To avoid looking in the mirror and seeing the woman I don't care to see anymore. Is change really necessary, or simply a change of mind? A change of heart? Is the sound just a comfort to pretend things are they way they used to be when my life revolved around the computer and only the computer. Living half my life in the cyber world where no one had to see me and I didn't have to see them and it was only words and emotions didn't have to come into play if I didn't want them to.

I remember the nights of never sleeping because the computer would be my best friend until the early dawn peeked over the hills to say hello to another day I didn't want to face. I would have loved to have stayed cooped up in the house for weeks so long as the food didn't run out and I didn't have to leave the computer for too long. And now I can't get enough of getting out of the house. Doing...practically anything. In front of the computer I at least kept myself. There's was never anything that wasn't myself. But out there, out in the world of extreme noise or deadening silence, there's too much surroundings to feel like I'm really being truly and fully myself instead of putting on a pretty facade to make the people around me happy. In doing so I've forgotten if I'm only making them happy, or if it makes me happy as well. Or half and half. But what to do to make myself fully happy again has eluded me.  It feels as though every time I sit down to write I'm at a loss. Writing is what used to make me free. Uncage me and set me loose through the paper and ink where nothing could confine me because I knew it was only me and no one else and that never had to change.

And now the "real world" has battered down my door and forced me to look at myself and make a choice. No matter what the choice is it has to be made and it has to be done now. There's no more time. Time is a thing that slips through my fingers no matter how tightly held together they are.

An no one will ever know because that's how I like it and that's the way I want it to stay. I've spilled my emotions to the ground too many times to merely have them stomped on and left to rot to ever do so again. And so my passions remains deep inside, tucked away in a safe little box that only I have the key to. The light may grace them from time to time but we have learned. We know better now.

So the music may pound and drown out all conscious thoughts so I may lose myself to the nothingness, but the music will fade, because nothing lasts forever. We all know that.

Some Makeup Favorites

I figure since I'm pretty much unable to get any videos edited and posted at the moment, I can at least do a little blog about some of my favorite makeup products right now. These are just some of the products I have been using almost daily lately that I have come to really like! I know the pictures aren't "the best" but they will do for a blog post :P
On to the products!!

I have been on the major search lately for a good pallet of neutrals that would be good for travelling and just for everyday. I tend to bring my makeup to work with me lately to do my makeup there because I haven't been getting up early enough to do it at home. A bit lazy, yes, but hey, working two jobs and only getting 6-7 hours of sleep in between gets a bit rough sometimes.

This first palette is 8 shimmery brown tones by MAC. Now I have never purchased anything from MAC and doubt I ever will because I think its ridiculous to pay the prices they want for their makeup. Yes, it is better quality for the most part (or so I've heard) and if you are a makeup artist I fully support using MAC products, but I actually found this one on Ebay for about $6. It did come from China and I'm sure is some sort of knock-off, but I do really love this palette! The colors are beautiful and its so nice and easy to be able to just grab one palette and go. I also purchased one of these palettes that has 4  brown tones and 4 black tones.

This second palette of 3 is by Almay. Again, I have been on the hunt for neutral palettes! :P I LOVE the colors of this one! You can't really tell in the pictures, but the colors are all a really pretty iridescent-ish shade. They are perfect for a 3-tone smokey eye that isn't too overdone so it can be worn during the day. I just think these colors are gorgeous and has been my go to palette the past week or so. Purchased from ulta.com for around $5-$6.

This single eyeshadow is from Hot Topic. No, this hasn't been an everyday shadow, but I just loved the color and I like their packaging. I just think it's fun and something different! This color was just such a pretty iridescent blue/purple I had to get it! $2 from Hot Topic.

Every time I go to Wal-Mart I stand by the Hard Candy section and just look over it. I have wanted to get one of their baked blushes for so long. I haven't so far just because I'm a cheap ass and didn't want to spend $7 for a blush. But if you think about it, $7 for a blush with as much product as appears to be in this is not bad at all! I got #127 in Honeymoon. And I love the packaging on this as well. It's half of what attracted me to it I think, haha!

My next every day product is the ever popular Elf contouring blush & bronzer palette. This is such a great product! It is only $3 and the colors are great! I'm not 100% sure on how long lasting it is, but it's good enough for me! I use the bronzer every day to contour my cheeks and the blush (although not my every day blush) is a gorgeous pinky/peachy color! And! It has lasted me quite a long time!!! The mirror that was in the top of the compact did fall out of mine, but I never really used it anyway so that wasn't too big of a deal to me. and for $3...you can't go wrong!

Ever since I first started wearing cream/gel eyeliner, this has been my all time favorite!!! The little brush in the picture is the brush that comes with it and it is seriously the PERFECT brush for cream/gel eyeliner! It's a nice small brush that makes it easy to get close to the lash line and make a winged liner and I can even get my waterline with this brush! This is the Maybelline Eye Studio Lasting Drama gel eyeliner in Blackest Black. I did accidentally leave mine out in my vehicle this summer when I bought it so the product did sort of melt towards the side and top of the container, but the product still works great and I am not even half through the product and it's lasted me at least 6 months now. It is $10 but you get your money's worth!

If you're looking for a cheap and easy eyeliner, this is the one to go with!!! I was looking for new eyeliners to try using that were quick and easy and didn't cost a fortune. I found this one on ulta.com. It's the black mania gloss eye pencil by Essence. It was about $2 and it is great!!!! I have never used a pencil eyeliner that was this soft before! Usually the pencil eyeliners just pull at my eyelids and don't actually leave any product on them, but this one just glides on! I love it! Especially for the price! I am afraid that when it comes time to sharpen it that it will just fall apart since it is so soft, but I believe putting it in the freezer for a few minutes and then sharpening it will solve that problem. Again...only about $2...you can't go wrong!!

As far as eye primers go, everyone raves about the Urban Decay primer potion. Now I'm sure it's amazing...but I am not just about to spend $18 on a little container of eye primer....so I heard that Victoria's Secret made an eye primer and one of my friends said it really worked for her. Low and behold, it does!!! This sucker only cost me about $8 and has lasted me at least a year!!! It hasn't gotten all gross or anything either! Definitely will buy this again!

Another Victoria's Secret find that I was surprised by was their Glossy Shinesticks. These are sort of a mix between a lipstick, chapstick and gloss. They are for the most part like a tinted lip balm. They don't really offer any moisterization for your lips...but they don't dry them out either...if that's makes sense...And the colors are really good for what a tinted lip balm would be! They do have some glitter like stuff in them but it's not over done where your lips are sparkling from miles away. It just adds a nice shimmer to them. They also smell nice instead of smelling like gross makeup! The two shades I got were Lemon Twist (the top one, it's name comes from the fact that it smells like lemons...not the color) and Colada Love (the bottom on, again named for it's smell). I did buy these during one of their semi-annual sales when some of their makeup products were 75% off so I got these for only a few dollars...I'm not sure if I would purchase them for the original price because I can't remember what it was...but I do really like these! The only one downfall...when you first purchase them the product comes up over the lip of the tube, so when you take the top off you have to be careful that you don't take half the product off with it! :P

And last but not least, my favorite mascara lately has been the Maybelline One by One Volume Express mascara in Very Black. It rarely clumps and covers my lashes evenly. All in all a very good mascara!! Already a re-buy! Usually around $7 from CVS or Wal-Mart but I found it on ulta.com on sale for $5 recently.

Well I hope this blog wasn't overly boring. Yes it was all about makeup, but hey, it's part of my life! :P Hopefully I can record the makeup I'm doing this weekend for the Zombie Pub Crawl and make that into a video. If not I will definitely be taking tons upon tons of pictures and posting them for sure!!! Halloween is such an exciting time!! I can't wait to try out my makeup looks for my costumes this year!!! Woo hoo!!!!

Hope all is well with everyone!

Much love!

Fair

Still No Computer

I feel so lost without my computer at home. I never realized how much I used it until I didn't have it any more. I am able to do a few things here and there from my computer at work, but if I have actual work to do there's no time for me to work on anything else of my own.

I haven't been able to edit the photos I need to edit or any videos at all. It's so frustrating!

I have however delved back into reading a lot more again, which is nice. I was in the middle of a series about two years ago and just tried to get into the next book but had forgotten almost everything from the previous books so I have gone back and restarted from the beginning...grr...

I have also decided that within the next...2-3 years or so, I would like to write a book. A fiction/science fiction book I believe. I have the kind of general idea in my head, but we will have to see how that actual comes out. Writing a book is a huge challenge and getting published will be even more difficult. Just because a story seems good in my head, does not mean anyone else will find it interesting.

On other notes. I am SOOOO excited for Halloween!!! The costumes I am for sure on are Medusa and Jekyll & Hyde (one side of me Jekyll, the other Hyde) and I'm really hoping to try out my makeup and film it and possibly get the videos edited to put on YouTube...we will see if that happens depending on if I get my computer fixed or if I get down time at work at all....both of which are extremely up in the air at the moment. I did get time to decorate my house for Halloween last Sunday so I'm super excited about that and hoping to possibly get some more decorations tonight! :P You cannot over decorate for Halloween!!! No clue yet what the actual plans for Halloween are, just know that this year my costumes are going to be epic!! Oh yes! Epic!

I have been absolutely craving and desiring to just sit in a coffee shop all day and work on writing and reading and such, but alas, my 8-5 during the week job does not really allow that to be fully possible. If places would stay open past 5 it wouldn't be bad at all, but most coffee/tea shops close by 5 ish. Argh! I'm also hoping that with winter making it's unfortunately fast approach I will get back into the knitting spirit and starting working on some things.

Hope all is well with everything in everyone's little worlds!!!
Much love,
Fair

Well...

It's amazing sometimes the crazy things that can happen in your life that make you realize not only who your true friends are but also who will really be there for you and who actually cares about you and your feelings. No, I'm not going to go into any kind of a rant or anything, just still really surprised at the turning events in my life this past weekend....

On a good note, I have a really fun DIY project that I actually have a full idea for and I am ready to execute! Just hoping it turns out how I have it planned in my head! :P Organization and decor has been one of the top things on my mind lately!!! I am slowly but surely getting to where I want to be with my decor ideas...very slowly...but it's getting there!!!

The other thing on my mind lately....moving.. To move or not to move, that is the question....

I want to write out a list of pros and cons to moving. I think the Denver,CO area would be great, especially since there are two people there that I already know, plus one of the people is my uncle who would let my boyfriend and I live with him. Which would be great especially since if I do move, I would preferably like to move for only a year or so. Just to get out of ND and get some different experiences and everything. But...do I want to go through the process of job hunting and storing my furniture and such for a year? It's such a tough decision for me right now....

So far my list of pros:
Great experience, fun times to be had, getting to live in (or a few miles from) a bigger city, the opportunities that could come with being close to a big city, better shopping (haha, of course I had to put that!), wouldn't be TOO far from home, I already know a couple people there

Cons so far:
Being away from our parents, giving up my steady job, having to store or move all our belongings, making sure to have a place where my two kitties can live as well, affording the move, finding a new job, dealing with living that close to the "friend" who caused me a great deal of pain/stress this last weekend, learning a new place

I'm just so unsure about it all....anyone have any helpful hints?! :)

Hope all is well with everyone!
Love love love,
Fair